When working to move ‘out of ego’, flower essences are a gentle, yet dynamic tool to catalyse change.
Being ‘in ego’ is a negative emotional state, in which distinct emotions, thoughts, speech patterns and behaviours are exhibited. Each flower essence will help to balance a set of negative emotions and can be easily matched to the negative states exhibited when the ego is in control. Through taking the essence, a gentle awareness of the ego state occurs, thus creating space for positive change.
To help you move ‘out of ego’ with flower essences, I have compiled a list of 10 signs your ego is controlling your behaviour, with suggestions for flower essences that can help.
1) 2nd guessing yourself.
Do you constantly 2nd, 3rd and 4th guess yourself? Do you seek the opinion of others so you can make your mind up based on their answers?
Place your hand over your heart and take some deep breaths, feeling your hand gently move as your chest rises and drops. Continue until you feel calm and safe. Now direct your question to your heart (not your head).
The answer may come as any of the following: ping = yes, thud = no, or any version of a positive/negative feeling; image(s) or a knowing (without a thought-based reason). Trust the answer given by your heart, it is your truth.
Bach Scleranthus can help create a strong, centred connection to one’s inner wisdom so that decisions are easily made from this place instead of the ego-mind.
2) Creating stories.
Do you find yourself creating stories around what is about to happen or has already happened?
Living in the present moment will enable you to respond with care to what is actually happening. If this is a new concept, have a look into mindfulness (there is a wealth of information on the internet) and learn to recognise the quality of your thoughts and if they are ego created stories.
Try Bach White Chestnut, which helps the mind to become peaceful and focussed, so it stops whizzing around, grasping at threads and tying itself in knots.
Do you find yourself reacting (or over-reacting) and then feeling out of sorts or off balance?
Create a little phrase to say, either in your mind or under your breath, which gives you space to pause, draw a breath and think about your best response.
Bach Impatiens helps to create feelings of relaxed serenity, a knowing that all will happen in its own time. This prevents negative feelings around lack of time, which enables us to relax and let others go at their own pace.
4) Refusing to back down.
Do you recognise that you won’t back down until you have won, even when you are in the wrong?
If you recognise what is happening in the moment, try connecting in with your body by placing hand over heart or placing thumb and 1st finger on the two bumps of the collar bone at your throat. Either of these will give you space to take a breath and stop ego control.
If you are not able to recognise in the moment, take the experience to your journal. Ask open ended questions about your reaction; what triggered you; if this has happened before; how you felt throughout and at the end; if this is a behaviour you learnt in childhood; how you want your reaction to be in future; how you want to feel with your new reaction.
Bach Vine enables the creation of balanced inner power and authority, so we don’t feel the need to dominate or control others.
5) Blaming others.
Do you blame others if things go wrong or don’t pan out as you thought they should, or wanted them to?
Take a breath, practice acceptance and make the occurrence a positive learning opportunity.
Bach Gentian enables us to trust our inner wisdom and create a positive faith. It helps us to let go of the need to expect the worst or be discouraged or despondent at set backs.
6) Seeking validation.
Do you seek validation from others to help you feel good about yourself or your work?
Physically pat yourself on the back as a reward for your achievement. The following journalling tips will help you become more self sufficient: Gratitude journalling helps to alter perception of need. List your all your wins (achievements) for the day, no matter how big or small, helps build a sense of achievement and pride. Writing that you are enough and have done enough, re-wires the brain out of lack of accomplishment.
Bach Pine is a great essence for building positive self-worth which stops the need to seek external praise and validation.
Do you find yourself comparing yourself to others, who you feel are better than/more accomplished than you or that you feel are not as good as/less accomplished than you?
‘Comparison is the thief of joy‘. Practice being joyful about your own accomplishments and those of others. Lift people up instead of tearing them down.
Bach Larch boosts confidence and self-assurance, thus removing the need to compare oneself with others.
Are you so busy talking about yourself that you neglect to show interest in others?
Ask others to talk about themselves, listen wholeheartedly to their reply, empathise with them. Getting to know your inner child (part of the ego mind) through journalling will help heal her childhood wounds and stop her wanting to steal the limelight.
Bach Heather helps to build inner security, especially around the ‘inner child’. Once the child-self feels secure, he/she will stop craving attention and be open to being interested in, and empathise with others.
9) Impossible goals.
Do you set goals that are totally out of reach and then mentally beat yourself up for failing?
When setting goals, it is really useful to tap into how your heart feels about them (see #1). Your heart will tell you if the goal is really what you want to work towards. This will allow your body to signal whether it feels the goal is physically possible. Then tap into how you will feel whilst working towards the goal, and once it has been achieved. Be realistic with time and your ability. Be compassionate and accepting if the goal doesn’t go to plan, this will also provide an opportunity to learn.
Bach Vervain helps to create a healthy balance between enthusiasm and motivation, work and rest, inspiration and action. This balance enables the setting of realistic goals thus removing the tendency towards self-admonishment at perceived failure.
10) Jealous of success.
Do you find yourself feeling jealous of the success of others?
Create your own goals to work towards (see #9) and celebrate your own achievements (see #6). Be realistic about what you can achieve. Practice acceptance of your life as it is.
Bach Holly helps to cultivate a loving, warm and open-hearted character. It moves us out of jealousy, being easily wounded, deceived and discontented. Thus enabling us to celebrate the success of others wholeheartedly.
Reflective journalling is a fantastic tool for developing self awareness, which combined with flower essences will catalyse lasting change. You can read more here.
When you work with me through an Essential Youconsultation, you will receive a bespoke combination of essences and comprehensive journal prompts tailored to you and the essences in your special blend. You can learn more here.
Book here for a free 15 minute chat with me to find out how flower essences and journalling can positively change your relationship with your ego mind.
Rebecca Veryan Millar specialises in helping women transform from frantic and frazzled to calm and connected by restoring emotional balance.
She is an advanced BFVEA flower essence practitioner and BAFEP registered essence producer.