In this blog I would like to introduce you to compassion, what it means to be compassionate with yourself and how it has helped me create balance in my life and my business.
Throughout my life I have been very unkind to myself, both in thought and deed. My self-talk was appalling….in fact, with a friend like me I had no need of enemies. My detrimental mental chatter spilled out into my life, creating negative situations, conversations and indeed relationships.
I hadn’t clocked what was going on in my head until I embarked on a weight loss journey in my early 40’s and joined an online group where I found myself becoming the ‘queen of comparison’….oh my, did I go to town! This comparison inevitably lead to poor food choices in order to help myself feel better. It was at this time that I chanced upon the concept of mindfulness. I can’t remember how I discovered it, but I do remember that day, searching the internet for as much information on this amazing find. As a person with a busy mind I found it nigh on impossible to meditate and many of the mindfulness situations didn’t work for me either, but thankfully I discovered walking mindfully. Bliss! Concentrate only on what I can see around me while out walking my dog.
Wow, what an amazing find, I was finally seeing the natural world around me and started to appreciate each beauty that I saw. Over time I learnt to stop and listen to a bird, to watch a butterfly, beetle or spider go about their business. I found myself taking time to sit by rivers, watching sunlight dancing off the ripples, my mind filled only with the beauty surrounding me.
It wasn’t until I started working with Flower Essences that I managed to quiet my mind when not walking. My original saviours were the Bach Essences Cerato, Red Chestnut and White Chestnut. White Chestnut is the classic essence for quieting a busy mind. Red Chestnut helps us to stop worrying about things that are out of our control and Cerato helps us to drop out of the head into the heart-space, a much more peaceful place altogether.
In the New Light range of essences, I have created a combination essence of Forget-ME-Not, Hawthorn, Red Chestnut and White Chestnut, called Worries Away. This beautiful combination gently enables the release of the chaos caused by a busy mind.
Living in the Heart
Through one of my Flower & Vibrational Essence trainings, I learnt about the concept of Living in the Heart which was an incredible journey and one that I continue to this day. In the modern world it has become ‘the norm’ to live in the head, over-use our brains and forget that the heart makes much better decisions than a whirling, frazzled mind. In the beginning, I put my hands over my heart, to physically remind my body where I wanted to concentrate my energy, and over time I learnt to feel that beautiful softening of my previously spiky energy as it dropped out of my head-space into my heart-space. Walking bare-foot on grass is a wonderful way to help us drop into the heart-space, the connection with earth slows our energy and reminds the body that it has more than one mind.
Filling in the empty spaces inside
These past few months I have taken a real dive into my own personal healing and embraced learning how to love myself. This is how I have discovered the true meaning of being compassionate with myself; my-oh-my, what an amazingly positive change it has created in me. It all started with a yoga routine (True–Day 1–Motive, Yoga with Adriene) in which I was guided to ask my motive for doing the routine that day. ‘What is your motive for showing up today? If not for love, then why?’ I have become addicted to this routine, done it every day for the 3 months, because I love to imagine filling in the empty places inside me with pink squishy love. Over time I have discovered that the empty places are becoming fewer and I am feeling more complete, more me; and the more me that I feel, the less I look outside of myself to fill the empty spaces. My other love of this yoga routine is that Adriene guides me to give myself a physical hug, not once but twice…..ahhhhhhhh, bliss, a beautiful and tangible connection with my body.
Connecting with my body in this way is what has really taught me to be compassionate with myself. I have taken up short exercise routines with a view to moving my body rather than loosing weight or looking a certain way. I can hear my body when she says she’s tired and take her through the gentle yoga routine alone, without pushing to be energetic for weight-loss. I am learning to fall off the clean-eating wagon with grace and swiftly hop back on again without recrimination. I have started to love and accept my body for the amazing vessel that she is for my soul in this lifetime.
I am also understanding and accepting the times that I am too tired to work on my business. As a single mum of three, one of who has a demanding health condition, I often myself feeling under par. Thankfully, compassion enables me to let go of the should’s and ought-to’s, allowing me to take some quiet time out which leaves my body re-invigorated and mind refreshed and brimming with creativity.
A very lovely client taught me how to look with compassion when viewing a photo or video of myself, such a valuable lesson. As someone who runs an online business this has enabled me to learn to see myself through the eyes of another, which has given me confidence to put photos and videos of myself online without falling into the ‘searching for flaws trap’. Having achieved this myself, I am able to gently guide clients away from their ‘self-criticism trap’ to enable them to learn to see themselves from the heart and know their value as seen through the eyes of another.
Learning to be self-compassionate is a journey of a life time, each lesson taking me deeper, allowing me to love myself more truly. I am so grateful that Flower Essences have enabled me to get to know myself in this way and to live a more balanced life.
I help women to reconnect with their true sense of self, after a lifetime of trying to be ‘everything’ for everyone else. If you would like to know more about how working with me can help you, please book a complimentary Clarity Call. Here is the link to my diary.